Zac Efron and University of Tennessee football. They have a lot more in common than you'd think. Let that settle for a moment, because I know that it's salt in a decisively gaping wound from the 2011 season that hasn't even come close to scabbing over yet, but unfortunately, it's true.
We can start with the blatantly obvious, and ease our way into this confounded theory with the general emphasis on the word "suck." Zac Efron sucks. Tennessee football (currently) sucks.
It was Thomas Jefferson that said "we hold these truths to be self evident," and don't bore me with the semantics of time and place, he was definitely talking about Efron and Tennessee. Our nation's independence was founded on the notion that the hideousness of a Zac Efron movie and the Vols efforts in 2011 would both be unequivocally accepted as truths.
If someone asked me which was more terrible, Charlie St. Cloud or Tennessee's 2011 season, I'd be overwhelmed with hesitance. The magnitude would simply be too much for my feeble little brain to handle.
However, (ready your barf-bags) the similarities between Efron and the current state of Tennessee football don't stop there. For example, there's New Years. For Efron, it was a fleeting moment where he thought he could potentially make a film that didn't prey on the allowances of 14-year old girls to provide himself with a living. For Tennessee, it was the thought that a "New Year" would offer some sort of respite for Tennessee football.
Even with a cast of almost 20 Hollywood stars to hide Efron's otherwise egregious acting, Efron shined like a polished turd. In Tennessee, 2012 has gotten off to the kind of rotten start that you expect to find in a Rodney Dangerfield movie. We might all be God's children, but this Christmas, Tennessee apparently got a radio and a toaster to use as bath toys.
On Monday, news of Tennessee defensive coordinator Justin Wilcox and Tennessee linebackers coach Peter Sirmon's departure made their way through Tennessee's various news outlets. The reaction was similar to something you'd expect to see as news of a raging pandemic swept through East Tennessee.
Oh the humanity! Oh the horror!
It's not atypical by any stretch, other than the fact it may be justified this time. Things are fickle in the world of college football even when speaking in generalities, but when you're already walking on eggshells, bad news becomes particularly unsettling.
Tennessee is in the stretch run of closing out yet another critical recruiting class (aren't they all?) Now Derek Dooley is losing his proverbial Sergeant-at-Arms (Wilcox) and likely his top Lieutenant (Sirmon.) It certainly doesn't bode well for Tennessee as they battle obscurity.
Luckily, unlike Efron who will have nothing to look forward to when Justin Bieber begins mercilessly pilfering all his movie roles and casts him off the "Teen Heartthrob" island, there is a splash of optimism for Tennessee football.
The Vols still have some of the best facilities in the SEC, if not the nation. They still play in the nation's premier conference (good and bad I suppose), and they do return a wealth of talented young playmakers in 2012 (perhaps Dooley's last hoorah.)
All that being said, things certainly weren't made easier on Tennessee with Monday's news, and 2012 has started off on the wrong foot. That just sucks.